Filipino mother & child, painting by Nicki Chen
Single mothers, wartime mothers, hard-working mothers, stepmothers and adoptive mothers, deported, undocumented, or disabled mothers, far-from-home mothers, teenage mothers and old mothers, mothers who died too young …
Being a mother is hard. Right from the start you have to push that big baby head through a canal inside your body that is way too small. Then, before you’ve had time to rest up, you have to feed him, every few hours. All day and ALL NIGHT. From a part of your body you’d never before associated with food.
I don’t mean to suggest that I disliked that part of motherhood. I loved those early years. But you have to admit, life can be challenging for a new mother, even when all the circumstances are good.
And that’s just the beginning for mothers. For the next eighteen years, they’re responsible for teaching their child the millions of things he’ll need to know before he’s ready to go out on his own. They have to pass on wisdom and model good behavior, pack lunches, cook dinners, wash clothes, plan vacations, and drive their child to soccer practice. I could go on and on.
Some mothers are lucky enough to have well decorated rooms for their children and cooperative husbands. They can afford to send their kids to good schools and to camps in the summertime. But even these mothers sometimes wonder if they’ve done a good job. Have they encouraged their children enough, pushed too hard, selfishly spent too much time working or pursuing a hobby?
Of course, other mothers have more serious concerns. They have to struggle to provide adequate childcare, sufficient food, and safe neighborhoods for their children.
mom and me
I had a very good childhood, for which I thank my mom and dad. But the first few years must have been hard for my mom. I was born in the middle of World War II, and my dad was in Europe fighting the Nazis. Even though my mom and I lived with my grandparents, it was a stressful time for her. She never knew whether my dad would make it home alive or not.
My mom had it easy, though, in comparison to my husband’s mother. My husband, Eugene, was born into the middle of the Japanese invasion of China. For years, he lived under occupation. While his father was away fighting the Japanese, his mother was on her own. Somehow she had to find food and medicine when none was available. No matter how hard the circumstances, my mother-in-law had to keep trying for the sake of her children.
Whether the situation is perfect or less than ideal, it’s no easy task to be a good mother.
Our mothers probably did the best they could under the circumstances. Maybe they wish they’d done better. But no matter what grade they might receive on the big “motherhood exam,” we, their children, have a lot to be grateful for. I know I do.
THANK YOU, MOM. I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU.
Wonderful tribute to Mum, Nicki, and so true, all of what you say. And we never cease from worrying about those offspring. That painting of yours is beautiful. A multi-talented lady 🙂
Very touching post, Nicki. it must have been hard for mothers to live through the wars – they’re husbands away to fight and everything’s pretty much touch-and-go day to day. My mum was born after the wars, so she didn’t have to live through the perils of it. But my family moved a lot from country to country and city to city when we were younger – and to make things more bumpy dad worked outstation a lot. So it was up to my mum to raise me and my brother, get us to school, cook our meals and manage budgeting the finances. She was like superwoman in some sense, especially being in foreign countries on her own.
That is such a beautiful painting. Amazing 🙂
Your mum does sound like a superwoman, and I’ll bet she cooked some good meals for you. Cooking is such a big part of a mother’s work, especially in those cultures in which the expectations are high. Moving a lot, your mum must have been a stranger, at least for a while, in each new place. Without her family and old friends for support, she definitely had to be a strong woman.
Beautiful text, Nicki. And I love your painting too. You’re an amazing artist.
Thank you, Marta. My mother and grandmother were artists. They influenced me at an early age.
Nicki, I had no idea you painted! I absolutely love the painting. Please show us more. It was great to see the photo of Eugene’s mother who of course reminds me immediately of the lead character in TTS. Your mother was a real beauty, wasn’t she? I so enjoy seeing photos like these – they should be pulled out of the albums and shared, shouldn’t they?
You’re right, Barbara, about sharing photos. And a blog is a good way to do it–a few at a time so people won’t get bored. It was fun to share that painting since I’ve never had it framed. All these years it’s been hidden away, rolled up in a trunk in the basement. I thought the woman, a vender of green mangoes, was a good example of a mother whose circumstances were less than perfect.
Another beautifully written post, Nicki! I have one friend who is a single mom and I admire all the sacrifices she had made in order to give her son a better life, but they have such a beautiful bond.
I, too, admire single moms. And so often they’re short of money, so they can’t pay for services. Everything is on their shoulders, whether they’re tired or not.
Love your painting and the photos. Happy Mother’s Day!
Thank you, Nancy. I had a lovely Mother’s Day. Since my birthday was two days before Mother’s Day, my daughter drove over the mountains to celebrate both of them with me.
What a beautiful post, Nicki
Thank you, Paula.
Beautiful tribute to your mother and mother-in-law. I love the photo of you and your mother, Nicki.
I’m going to try following once again. This post, like last week, didn’t come to my e-mail.
Happy Mother’s Day!
I like that photo of my mom and me, too. It looks so old-fashioned.
I’m really sorry WordPress hasn’t been sending you an email, Jill. I don’t know what to do about it.
I, too, had a great childhood and a mother that loved me unconditionally! Having known my whole life that Betty Lou would be there for me–NO MATTER WHAT–made for a wonderful secure, existance no matter what was going on. Mom has been gone for nearly 8 years and I continue to miss her each and every day. Thanks Nicki for the lovely blog–I will continue to enjoy your musings!
I know you had a wonderful mom, Veda. My mom has been gone for three-plus years. We miss them. But they gave us life and made us what we are. I, too, always felt secure in my mother’s love.
My Dad died when I was 10 so my Mom had to support us. There wasn’t a lot of aid then but she made do. We had vegetable gardens and never went hungry. We didn’t have a lot of money but I didn’t know that. I had every thing I needed (except a new Schwinn bike). She’s been gone a long time and I still miss her.
Kudos to your mom, Kate. She even had time for a vegetable garden? Wow! People like her make me feel so lazy. We didn’t have a lot of money, either, but just like you, I didn’t notice it. I think in those days people didn’t need so much.
It’s true — if their offspring survive during wars, famine, and pestilence, Moms should get all the credit!
Nowadays, American moms take for granted that their children will survive. Less than a hundred years ago, that wasn’t the case.
The pioneer women often lost more than one child. In fact, I have a friend from college who lost her first two children in the first couple years of their lives. She went on to have eight more children who are all adults now, some with children of their own.
I enjoyed your blog Nicki. We tend to glamorize motherhood and Mother’s Day and often don’t think about how hard it can be for so many depending on life circumstances. Thanks for showing the other side.
With these national holidays, there’s a tendency to homogenize the celebration. Send flowers or take Mom out to lunch. Smile and take a picture. And on the surface we all look the same. But we each have our own struggles, some more than others.
Thank you for showing other sides of motherhood. Wonderful tribute to your mother and mother-in-law.
Thank you, Michelle. I could have said more about both of them. For example, my mom gave me an appreciation for natural beauty, art, and finely tailored clothes.
Lovely gift of thanks to mothers.
My husband used to say that his birthday was an occasion for him to give thanks to his mom for giving birth to him.
Beautiful tribute to moms, Nicki! My mom raised us in less than ideal circumstances. We lived on the south side of Chicago. I had a great childhood, though we were strapped for cash. But we always had food on the table. Mom always pushed my brothers and me to succeed. She prayed for us every day.
Your mom’s prayers must have been very efficacious. Thank God for moms who care for us.