The Job Comes First.

by | Oct 18, 2015 | China, Chinese food, family, Philippines | 34 comments

job 001

Eugene in the brown pants. He was a hands-on engineer.

 No! I hear you shout. Family comes first. Living a good life comes first. Health is more important than a job. Follow your bliss. Love. Serve God and your fellow man.

And, yes, I believe all that too. Heck, I graduated from college in 1965 when jobs were easy to come by. We didn’t worry about finding work. You graduated … you got a job. It was as easy as that.

By 1970, the situation had changed, especially for engineers like my husband. The family-owned company he worked for sold out to a large corporation that was believed to be looking for a tax write-off. Within a year most of the employees were let go. They laid Eugene off the week before Christmas.

We celebrated the holidays, and then he started his job hunt. Unfortunately, Boeing, Seattle’s biggest employer, had recently lost a big contract. The situation in the Pacific Northwest was so bad, someone put up a sign that read: “Would the last person to leave town please turn out the lights.”

My husband spent the next seven months looking for a job. When he finally found one, it was in the Philippines. He would be a Project Engineer at the Asian Development Bank. It was a good job. The only trouble was, his starting date coincided with my due date.

job 001 (2)The Bank, being a firm believer that “the job comes first,” wanted him right away. Finally, after some persuasion, they made a small concession. They gave him an extra month.

So, in the last few days of my pregnancy and the first few weeks after giving birth, we sold our house and disposed of all our possessions. The hardest part, as I remember it, was making so many decisions. Every item in every drawer and closet had to be put in one of the following categories:

Suitcases

Air freight

Sea freight

Storage in Mom and Dad’s attic

Garage sale

Give-away.

You’ve probably been through it. Right?

one day old with daddy

one day old baby with daddy

Luckily, the baby (our third daughter) cooperated with our schedule. She was born without complications exactly on her due date. Her sisters (ages one and three) also cooperated by behaving well during all the commotion.

Along with the packing and cleaning and garage sale, we found time for goodbye parties …

job6 001… and a baptism.

job4 001And then we took off … five days early … so we could meet my father-in-law in Hong Kong.

job5 001 (2)The day after we landed, we left the baby with Father’s friend and, despite being worn out from a long flight, did some sightseeing. Here we are (me with some baby weight yet to lose) taking in the view from Victoria Peak.

job5 001Daughter number one won her grandfather’s heart by polishing off a couple baskets of xia jiao.

Three weeks after giving birth was not the optimal time to uproot our young family and move to the other side of the world. But when you’ve been without a paycheck for seven months and there are no other prospects in sight, the job really does come first.

Have you had times when “the job comes first?” Or do you remember a time when something else took precedence?

my signature

34 Comments

  1. jjspina

    That was a tough time for you. So happy that everything worked out for you and your family.

    My father lost his job a few times and things were tough but we survived. As young children my brother and I didn’t even realize anything was wrong. Our parents were resilient as you.

    Blessings to you!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Losing a job is especially hard on the person who loses it. Most of us have savings, family, and friends to fall back on, so life can go on more or less normally for the family. But the one who loses his or her job suffers psychologically. Although my husband wasn’t personally rejected, it always feels that way.

      Reply
  2. livelytwist

    When people’s identities are closely connected to their jobs, jobs can come first too. Notice that when you meet people, the question, “So what do you do?” is just round the corner? 😉

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      When we were in college, it was, “What’s your major?” Then it became, “What do you do?” During the many years I was overseas as an expat wife, it was, “Who’s your husband with?” A sad reminder of our dependent status.

      Reply
  3. Marta

    I love these old pictures, especially your clothes!
    If Chinese people heard you did all this right after giving birth, they would go mad… for them, women should stay in bed for one month after giving birth!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      OMG! I’m so surprised you mention my clothes. These are such ugly old maternity dresses. I did have some lovely dresses later. My husband, Eugene, liked to bring fabric back from his business trips for me to have made into dresses. He brought back some beautiful pieces of batik and silk from places like Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, and Hong Kong. He also bought some beautiful embroidered wool from Pakistan. Luckily the dressmakers in the Philippines were skilled, and they didn’t charge too much. All I had to do was draw a picture and come back for a fitting.

      And, yes, one of Eugene’s bosses was Chinese, and when she saw that we’d traveled with a three-week-old baby, she was horrified.

      Reply
      • Marta

        Haha, even maternity clothes had cool patterns!

        Reply
  4. macjam47

    Your stories make mind sound so mundane. The morning after our oldest son was born, my husband came into the hospital room and announced that he had a promotion (yay!) and we were moving (what?) So the next weeks were spent packing, finding a place to live, and moving. When I was expecting our third son (due in October, born in November), my husband said I should start looking for a bigger house. Me? I was busy making plans for the new baby, making plans to have family for Thanksgiving and trying to get all my Christmas shopping done before the new little guy arrived, and he wanted to move! So with a new baby and two older brothers in tow, I did find a house that we were all excited about, but fortunately for me, the sellers were moving out of state and wanted their children to stay in school and move at the end of the school year. June worked for me!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Oh! The things we did when we were younger. Can you believe it? My mom did the frequent moving thing quite a few times when my sister and I were young. My dad was a builder, and in those early days, he had a plan that involved building a house on spec and us moving into it until it sold. In the meantime, he was building our next house. That went on for about three houses.

      Reply
  5. Lani

    My goodness, what mom’s go through. That must have been incredibly stressful (and exciting). I love when you share your old pics. You and your husband made such a handsome couple, too. 🙂 My father was an engineer, as well, but he was employed by the military!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I think it’s harder being a mom now than it was when my kids were young. Now in the United States kids and moms have such complicated lives.

      It’s good to have an engineer or two in the family. They always seem to be able to find a way to get things done.

      Reply
  6. Constance - Foreign Sanctuary

    Nicki, I moved to Taiwan one week after my official university graduation and a month after writing my very last final exam. My memoir explores all the sacrifices I made just to make the journey happen. I didn’t have three children but I did have a hectic schedule – so demanding that I fell asleep in class one day.

    Sometimes the things you work the hardest for are the accomplishments that you are the proudest of.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I’m really looking forward to reading your memoir. You must have cared a lot about moving to Taiwan, and your success and happiness there proved that you made the right decision.

      Your move one week after graduation reminds me of something: One of my daughters got married about a week after she graduated from college. Her university required not only final exams but also a senior thesis. Still, she thought she could handle the wedding preparations there on the East Coast. She had no idea what goes into planning a wedding. I insisted we have it here on the West Coast where I could handle it (with her okay of course). It turned out to be a lovely wedding, but it took a lot of work.

      Reply
  7. nrhatch

    You’ve had some interesting life experiences, Nicki!

    I’ve moved many times, and switched jobs and careers a time or two, but I’ve always lived on the East Coast of the US. So we never had to ship via air freight or sea freight while juggling three wee ones.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Any change or move does require some adjustment. But we just put one foot in front of the other, and before we know it, the new place or job seems normal.

      Eugene helped a lot with juggling the three wee ones, and–as far as I can remember–they didn’t cause too much trouble.

      Reply
  8. wheremyfeetare

    Being single I am always aware how important my job is but I hope I never have to test whether it comes first before anything else. When I was married my husband was laid off twice. We had two 10 month periods where he couldn’t find work and it was stressful! He eventually got permanent work. I don’t have kids but could not imagine packing up a house and moving to another country with 3 little ones. Sounds like it was a good decision. Love the old photos!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Just for the fun of it, I looked up the 5 most stressful life events. According to HealthStatus, here they are: 1) death of a loved one, 2) divorce, 3) moving, 4) major illness, 5) job loss. My guess is, they often come in pairs, for example, moving after a job loss, divorce, or death of a spouse.

      Reply
  9. Jill Weatherholt

    This post is priceless, Nicki. I loved it! The photographs are wonderful.
    In my early 20’s with a mortgage to pay, I got very sick and the diagnosis was Crohn’s Disease. I wanted so bad for my job to come first, but it seemed impossible. Thankfully, my employer made arrangements for me to work from home.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I’m glad you enjoyed the photos, Jill. They’re a bit faded. Since they’ve been securely stuck in a photo album for years, it’s been hard to remove them. At least now, I have them on my computer.

      It must have been hard to get seriously ill when you were in your 20s and full of energy. You had a very understanding employer to let you work from home. I’ll bet he got his money’s worth.

      Reply
  10. Carol Ferenc

    What a burden for you at the time! But with a family’s needs in mind, often the job must come first. Thanks for sharing your story and the great photos, Nicki.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I don’t remember thinking it was a terrible burden. The baby was a very good sleeper, my parents lived across the street, and Eugene took care of the “big” girls on the plane. But when we arrived in the Philippines, the Chinese women we met were flabbergasted. Some of them believed that a woman shouldn’t leave the house during the first month after childbirth.

      Reply
      • Carol Ferenc

        It’s always interesting to learn about the differences between cultures. Makes the world go round!

        Reply
  11. Traveller at heart

    You have posted some lovely photos. Thank you for sharing with us your struggles of a life you once lived.

    Your inner strength, determination, practicality, common sense and wit shine through.

    Your personal account strikes a chord in me.

    I was very ill at one point. I took three days of unpaid leave so as to enable me to get some rest before my operation. Prior to the operation, I worked all the way through because I needed the money. The day before my operation, my boss gave my temping job away to a member of staff from another department.

    Four years later, I had a bigger operation. I was very ill, too however the experience has changed my perspectives and perception.

    Over the years, I have had my challenges. My journey from the Middle East to my present abode, Turkey, has been a spiritual journey. I have grown and developed.

    Tough choices help us to define who we are. Indeed!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      The job can’t always come first, as your experience shows. I’m sorry that your job didn’t allow for your health needs and that they gave your job to someone else. I hope that after two operations your health is better. But you’re so right that “tough choices help us to define who we are.” We usually don’t see it at the time of course. I’m glad your challenges didn’t defeat you but helped you grow instead.

      Reply
      • Traveller at heart

        I am in good health, thank you. I will fly to London in the summer for my last medical check up.

        Having reasonably good health and inner peace are something I do not take for granted. One cannot enjoy life fully if one is in poor health or there is a lack of inner peace. Beauty comes from within.

        Reply
        • Nicki Chen

          You have a good attitude. I’m glad to hear that you are in good health now.

          Reply
  12. CrazyChineseFamily

    What a hard time it must have been searching for a job for that long and then finding a good one with the implication to uproot life and move to another country.
    We never had really anything comparable like you but I searched myself for multiple months for a job, luckily even without a job we could have managed very well at least for a couple of years so I didnt had too much pressure till I found my job in Germany last year.
    My wife is running her own business now already for a few months and for her it is sometimes very hard as she bascially needs to work sometimes the whole day and thus has no time for Nathan at all

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      My husband hated being without work. But he loved his job with the Asian Development Bank and stayed with it for the rest of his career. It perfectly suited his talents.

      I didn’t realize your wife was running her own business. I hear that’s very time consuming, especially in the beginning. Best of luck to both of you.

      Reply
  13. autumnashbough

    I think you and Eugene managed a pretty good balance there. Tough on you, though.

    The job always comes first when you’re single. I had international coworkers at one point who thought nothing of scheduling conference calls at midnight Pacific time. I’d just suck it up and head back into the office after an evening of dancing.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Coworkers on the other side of the world who scheduled conference calls at midnight would have been unpleasant but doable for a young woman like you.

      Before my daughter (the engineer) had a baby, she used to complain that the people with children expected the single and childless engineers to work longer hours while they just took off at the end of the day. Presumably now that she has to organize after-school soccer games, piano, karate, and swimming lessons, she’s more sympathetic.

      Reply
  14. Kate Crimmins

    That was a lot to happen in such a short time. We juggle priorities all the time. As for what comes first, it depends. The job can trump a lot of things when a critical project is coming to completion. The family can trump the job when there is a loss or crises. Most people don’t have the luxury of being single focused as you found out. It works out.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Sometimes we can juggle things, sometimes not. As long as the people around us are understanding, it can all work out. Traveler at heart commented that when she took time off for health reasons, her boss was not sympathetic, and she didn’t have enough clout to keep her job. The novel I’m currently reading What Alice Forgot illustrates the opposite problem: When the husband was at a critical point in his career, the wife felt ignored and abandoned. (I haven’t finished it yet to find out if that spelled the end of their marriage.)

      Reply
  15. L. Marie

    Wow. What a strenuous move after you’d just had a baby! And how hard it must have been for Eugene to be laid off before Christmas. I was laid off before Thanksgiving three years ago. Not that being laid off at anytime is good. But there’s something worse about being laid off before a family holiday.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Being laid off isn’t the same as being fired. But I think for the person who loses his job, it must feel that way. Not being wanted anymore is a blow to the ego. And then the out-of-work person goes looking for a job and ends up with more rejections. Not easy.

      I’ve never been laid off, but being a writer, I’ve collected my share of rejection letters from magazines, agents, and publishers.

      Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and your favorite bookstore.

Archives

Follow Me

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Loading
Available on Amazon

Archives