On the last day of May my grandson graduated from high school. It was a majestic ceremony. The graduates, following a 112-year-old tradition, wore tuxedos and long white gowns. Each of the girls carried eighteen red roses. The choir sang, speeches were given, and diplomas were presented to all 102 graduates.
My grandson, being a good and conscientious student who never would have entertained the thought of dropping out of high school, didn’t specifically choose this turning point in his life. It just happened. He reached the end of twelfth grade and then one day, after the long and boring graduation practice, he found himself marching up the aisle to Pomp and Circumstance.
In a couple of months, he will leave his parents’ house for college. And though he’ll come home for holidays, it will never be the same. With this graduation, he has started down the path to independence.
I tend to think of turning points as a change in direction consciously chosen. Robert Frost’s poem, so often heard, has planted an indelible picture in my brain of a man reaching a fork in the road and making his choice.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
The choices we make for ourselves do loom large. But when you think about it, many turning points are thrust upon us.
My grandson is the second of two children, so his graduation initiated a turning point for his parents. Soon they will enter a new stage of life: the era of the empty nest.
It seems that even if you don’t turn the steering wheel, you may find yourself on another road. It happens to all parents. They give birth to their children, teach them, watch them grow, and—before they know it—the children are all grown up and preparing to fly away.
The Monon Center, a good place to walk
My daughter shed her share of tears when her first child, my granddaughter, left for college. I’m guessing she’s just as reluctant to let her last child go. It’s the walks that give her away. Even though she belongs to a terrific gym, this past year her favorite form of exercise has been taking long walks with her son.
If I hadn’t experienced how painful it was to send a child away to college, I might have been surprised. After all, isn’t this what she wants for her son: to grow up and go to college? It’s not as though she’ll never see him again.
ducklings, not yet ready to fly away
But I remember clearly how heart-wrenching it was to send each of my daughters off to college. For eighteen years that child was part of my life … every single day. And then she’s gone. For months afterwards, I thought I saw her everywhere, her dark hair swinging, her stride almost right … for a moment, until it wasn’t.
Graduations are only one kind of turning point. Challenges and changes never end. A few days ago I said good-bye to my chiropractor and his wife/receptionist, two people I’ve come to love (and not just for the sake of my spine). They’re packing up and leaving the city, moving to a small town on the Columbia River so they can be near their daughter. It’s an enormous turning point for them, but it’s a change they’ve chosen for themselves.
I don’t know if the choosing makes much difference though. What do you think?
Beautiful Nicki. Yes, this is a powerful turning point although the first of my children is just going, it is an immense change. Great writing.
I think for me the first was the hardest–not really a turning point in my day-to-day life, but a big leap in letting go.
We only tread the path, Nicki? I’m inclined to think so. 🙂 And it’s a bit of a roller coaster at times, isn’t it?
More often than not, I think we tread the path that’s laid out for us. Our choices matter too, but even there we choose from limited options. For example, a student can only apply to so many colleges, and then not all of the colleges will accept him or give him the scholarship he may need.
Congrats to your grandson! And the empty nest….bittersweet! Seems to be harder on the moms than the dads in my group of friends; at first that is then all is great.
I’ve also noticed that when a child leaves home, the moms seem to take it harder. Are the dad’s just better at hiding their emotions? I don’t know.
This is another lovely post, Nicki. I’m not yet there in terms of grandkids! However my kids are growing up and like your daughter I’m gettinus used (and sometimes not) to see them becoeming more and more independent with their studies and lives. They are all now living hours away from their childhood home and will someday announce bigger moves, taking them further away. Changes are always big steps in our lives. In most cases they bring a mix of bittersweet feelings. I like the wise words above: “Embrace change as you can’t prevent it.”
And I also love the photo of your grandson’s graduation ceremony as well as your description of the event. Best to all of you.
Thank you, Evelyne. I’d rather live closer to my children so I could see them more often. But when your kids someday announce a bigger move, remember the upside: You get to visit a new place. It’s like having more than one home.
Change happens to us all. My husband of 50 years died 4 months ago. I don’t have grandchildren but at 70 am fortunate to have good health. I’ve bought a bicycle and am enjoying cycling after a gap of 30 years since I was last in the saddle! Embrace change as you can’t prevent it.
Meryl, I’m so sorry that you lost your husband. You seem to have a very good attitude. Wise words: “Embrace change as you can’t prevent it.”
Nicki ~ I think you’d enjoy this post by Tammy:
http://agrigirl.com/2015/06/07/end-of-high-school-baseball/
And I’m giving her a link to yours.
Thank you, Nancy. The end of the last baseball season is definitely a big turning point for graduating players and their parents.
Glad you enjoyed her post and that you might try her Celery Soup. I thought it sounded good too.
I don’t have a son going off to college and yet you made me tear up anyway, Nicki! Very well-written. Probably the idea of your daughter walking alone now really got to me. I like walking alone, after years of so many siblings, but to love walking with company and suddenly have it withdrawn seems very sad. I hope she gets a dog.
And what a lovely and lush ceremony. Much classier than polyester gowns and mortarboards.
My daughter is formulating new exercise plans. They may include her husband.
The gowns and mortarboards are another nice tradition, though.
What a beautiful ceremony, Nicki. Did your grandson attend a private school? I remember my high school graduation was held on the football field. Thankfully it didn’t rain.
Same here, Jill ~ on the football field with “fans” in the bleachers.
Yes, Jill. He did attend a private school. I’m trying to remember my high school graduation. I think it was in the gym. (Can my Sedro-Woolley friends help me out?) I think we also had an interfaith baccalaureate service at the school.
I remember how much my mother cried when I went away to college. It was really a surprising burst of emotion from a mother who is more likely to show how brave and strong she is than vunerability.
Turning points are here for a reason and as much as went want to hold on to what is, we need to keep moving, keep growing. Sigh.
We mothers try so hard to be brave and strong. I’m glad your mother showed you how much she would miss you. Turning points are bitter-sweet. Out with the old, in with the new.
That picture of the all the graduates is just stunning. It must have been a proud moment for you as well as your daughter and her family.
Graduation represents ultimate turning points in one’s life as well as the people around them. Just months before I graduated from university, I took a leap of faith and decided to move half way around the world to Asia after graduation. My parents, particularly my father, was so against my decision, but I knew in my heart that it was something that I wanted to do. I guess you kind of know how the rest of the story goes.
After reading your blog all these months, I can say that your big leap after graduation was a good choice.
My twin big leaps after college graduation were, first I went to Mexico with a student group to do community development for the summer, and then I joined the Maryknoll Sisters. It didn’t last; I only stayed eleven months. After that, I came home, taught school, married Eugene, gave birth to three daughters, and moved to the Philippines. It happened very fast. All those turning points happened within a period of six years.
You write so thoughtfully of the issues we face,Nicki — thank you for this! Having no children of my own, I’ve had many research students who also grew and learned and stretched — and then spread their academic wings and flew away. Many of them stay in touch (some don’t) but they all fill their own unique space in my heart …
You’re right, Paula. Graduations not only affect students and parents. Students also say good-bye to their teachers. A beloved teacher who spoke at my grandson’s graduation is retiring, and though we weren’t close enough to see his tears, we heard them in his voice. You put it so well: “they all fill their own unique space in my heart …”
Congratulations Nicki
Wondrful blog – always enjoy reading them
I’m sure Eugene is happy over looking at it all.
Best wishes
Thank you, Howard. Eugene loved his grandchildren. I’m sure he would have shed a tear at this graduation.
Today is a time of year where the road of life turns into many branches. The branch to college where some continue the study of their dreams. Some taking another branch and joining the military hoping to follow their ancestors in a career or to learn a trade and serve their country. Many will be off to trade schools to learn a new trade or continue the trade of their forefathers and a multitude will just wander through the path of life enjoying and learning as time goes buy. GOD BLESS THEM ALL !
You expressed it very well, Dave. Students study together, graduate, and then they head off in various directions. We wish them all well.
Wow! The graduation ceremony was just beautiful. You have to be so proud. I had two out of three that went to college and welcoming the grandchildren into the world now. It’s a joy to sit back and watch the life cycle. I don’t fear growing older, because there are so many who don’t get that opportunity, don’t get to see the cycle. I’m embracing my well-earned gray. 🙂
It is a real blessing to be a grandmother and watch our children and grandchildren grow up and find their places in the world. I don’t know about the gray, though. Fortunately my hair is still mostly non-gray. Nevertheless, I’m vain enough to get a foil twice a year.
My grandniece’s son is graduating from high school. It’s her second and last child. I can tell from her Facebook posts that it’s traumatic. Knowing he will move 4 hours away in the fall is hanging over her head. Right now though she is reveling in the celebration. Come fall….
I have talked to one or two mothers who were simply happy when the graduate left home. For the majority, though, it’s a difficult transition.
Your daughter has a similar family dynamic to my brother’s immediate family. My niece went to college first. My nephew followed, and just finished his freshman year. Seeing them go off to college was hard. I’d say choosing made all the difference in their lives, because they both chose to go to their parents’ alma mater–the University of Illinois. The choice helped shape my niece’s major.
The choice has made the difference in my life. I chose to go to a specific graduate school which had a distinct writing program (at the time)–writing for children and young adults. That has made a huge difference in my life.
By the way, I love that Robert Frost poem. Congrats on your grandson’s graduation.
Thank you, L. Marie. Vermont College was an excellent choice for me too. It wasn’t a hard choice for me since there weren’t many MFA programs available at the time and even fewer that advertised somewhere that I could find from the Philippines. The big challenge was getting them to accept me.
My grandchildren also went to their parents’ alma mater, Princeton, a good place for undergrad engineering, my granddaughter’s major.