Epic Christmas Gift Fails

by | Dec 20, 2015 | Christmas, family, holidays | 32 comments

Christmas, 2013I’m not talking about the Christmas gift that gets quietly taken back to exchange for the right size or color, or even the one that gets exchanged for something altogether different. Nor am I talking about the one that gets left in its original packaging and assigned to the re-gifting drawer.

No. The Christmas gift fail I’m talking about is the one that fails for all to see, the one that makes the recipient cry or pout or blurt out her disappointment the moment she sees it.

The Christmas gift fail my family still remembers 19 years later.

Catherine, Christmas 1996My granddaughter, C, was two years old. A sweet girl, both then and now. On the Christmas Eve in question, after the gifts were distributed, little C had a fair sized pile of gifts on the floor around her. Seeing a promising-looking package, she tore open the paper, opened the box, and found … not a toy or a red velvet dress or a sparkly tiara, but a pair of sturdy brown oxfords. Shoes? And they weren’t even patent leather.

Well, did little C complain? Not at all. Still trusting and sweet, she removed the shoes and rummaged through the tissue paper. We must have been quietly watching, because we all heard her puzzled comment. “I know there’s gotta be something good in here.”

The gift giver, my daughter, R, who is known in our family as a skilled shopper and chooser of gifts, learned her lesson that day. Ever after, when wrapping gifts for her niece and nephew, she made sure there was always “something good in there” by throwing a handful of wrapped candy in the bottom of the box.

This Christmas gift fail was mine, all mine.

My daughter, T, was a teenager, so perhaps it wasn’t surprising to find clothes strewn around her bedroom every time I looked in. Clothes on the bed, the side table, the floor … Maybe, I thought, I could help her out, give  her more drawer space so she could put things away.

So a couple months before Christmas, I went shopping and bought a chest of drawers at Unfinished Furniture. I hid the chest in the shop behind the garage, and while she was at school, I sanded and stained, sanded again and varnished it (two coats).

When she saw the chest on Christmas Eve, teenage daughter T didn’t utter a memorable comment, but it was crystal clear that not only was she disappointed. More precisely, she was angry. A chest of drawers for Christmas! What the … !

Looking back, I see her point.

Epic Christmas gift fail on The Vinyl Café

Stuart_McLeanIf you listen to NPR, you may have stumbled across Stuart Mclean’s program, The Vinyl Café. Every week he reads a true story sent in by one of his listeners, and on November 29 this year, he read one about an epic Christmas gift fail.

Every year the family in this story had breakfast together at Grandma’s house. They weren’t allowed to open their gifts until everyone finished eating and all the toast was gone. One little boy had noticed on his way into the dining room that the biggest gift under the tree had his name on it. So as soon as he had permission to leave the table, he ran to that gift and tore off the paper.

And what did he find but a tub filled with dirt and what looked like old apple and carrot peelings. “It’s garbage,” he shouted, bursting into tears and running to take refuge under the piano bench. What he didn’t see was that it was also full of worms.

The gift was from his grandma. It seems that Grandma had visions of him becoming a scientist, and she’d been tending the compost for him for months. It wasn’t the great gift she’d intended, but it did become a famous story in their family of a fantastic Christmas gift fail.

Have you had any epic Christmas gift fails?

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32 Comments

  1. Hari Qhuang

    I have never given a “failed gift” but I once witnessed one. It was a very awkward moment.

    The daughter who was going to met her mother for the first time in years, cooked lots of delicious foods (chicken, duck, pork ribs, sea cucumber, oyster, all the good stuff!). She also prepared a big box of her famous pork jerky for her mother to bring home later.

    She invited some friends and relatives who knew her mother to the picnic. As soon as we finished opening the food containers and serve it on the park table, the mom said, “Ay, my own daughter does not know that I have been a vegetarian for five years!”

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Oooh! What a sad story. The daughter wanted to please her mother. I wonder, was their time apart and their lack of communication during that time unavoidable?

      Reply
      • Hari Qhuang

        It is a “classic” situation in which a Chinese mom (or sometimes mother in law) had to say something so “operatic” (translation: as dramatic as Chinese opera – it’s our local “jargon” for such situation).

        I am not so clear though, how they stopped communicating. I mean, they did not even see each other on Chinese New Year for several years!

        Things are better now, The mother and daughter have good relationship. The daughter even learned how to cook vegetarian meals! 🙂

        Reply
  2. evelyneholingue

    I do remember being a little bit disappointed when I was a kid and a teenager, hoping for that perfect new pair of Levis and receiving a pair of plain denim. But nothing big enough to be called “failed” gifts. And I hope that I didn’t fail anyone either!!!!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I don’t remember wanting anything in particular when I was a kid. I enjoyed the surprise. My mom made lovely doll clothes, and my dad often came up with something I hadn’t even thought of.

      Reply
      • evelyneholingue

        I loved surprises too and still do. Now I don’t really ask for anything and somehow my family always comes up with great ideas.

        Reply
  3. CrazyChineseFamily

    Thankfully I didnt mess up yet any gifts but I bet I will at some point in the future…

    Reply
  4. Marta

    Hahaha, this was hilarious! We never had huge fails at home… my parents always got us the toys we wanted so there was no drama. We are a boring family 😛

    Reply
  5. Teresa

    Then there was the sweater woven out of strips of sheep leather.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Another lapse in judgement. I only vaguely remember that one.

      Reply
  6. autumnashbough

    Worms! Oh, awesome. And a dresser. And sensible shoes! Hilarious.

    My dad tries really hard to give jewelry. Nice jewelry. Expensive jewelry. Only his tastes are stuck in the 80’s — the era of BIG jewelry. The only jewelry I wear are earrings, but he’s given me a Wonder Woman-sized bracelet, an onyx choker so heavy it would drag an elephant’s head down, and a silver brooch that clearly was inspired by fifteenth century armor.

    I keep hoping he’ll get lazy and do a gift card.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Aw! He tried so hard and yet failed so spectacularly. A Wonder Woman-sized bracelet. Oh, dear!

      Reply
  7. wheremyfeetare

    Those practical gifts always disappoint the kids, don’t they, Nicki? Here’s to epic successes this year! Merry Christmas!!!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I was happy to hear that my seven-year-old grandson wanted PJs. So practical. Although he specified that they had to be Star Wars pajamas.

      Reply
  8. nrhatch

    I received an enormous white swan “planter” (with every inch covered in teeny tiny seashells). I “proudly” displayed it until the gift giver saw it ONCE. And then I broke it. On purpose, And blamed it on the cats. :mrgreen:

    I loved gift giving when our nieces and nephews were young. Now I give them money because I have no idea what to buy them.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Cats are always a good excuse.

      I even have trouble choosing gifts for my seven-year-old grandson. These days the styles in toys change so fast. I know he likes lego, but it’s hard to keep up with the particular kind of lego.

      Reply
  9. Lani

    Hmmm. The only thing that comes to mind is an orange and purple (yes) jumper like outfit (yes) that was made from a strange fuzzy material (oh, yes) that my grandmother gave to me. It was so hideous that I promptly threw it in the drawer with the rest of my clothes and the only time it saw the light of day was when I opened the drawer looking for other clothes.

    Happy Christmas Niki, all the best to you and your family. Looking forward to more stories in the new year, too. xxoo

    Reply
    • Lani

      Nicki. 😛

      Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Orange and purple? Oh, my! She must have thought you were young and would therefore like bright colors. It seems that many of the poor choices are from grandmothers. I’ll have to be careful when buying gifts for my grandchildren.

      Merry Christmas, Lani.

      Reply
  10. Jill Weatherholt

    Great stories, Nicki. Hopefully as your daughter grew older, she appreciated the practicality of the chest of drawers. As a teenager, I would have loved it, as long as it was painted purple.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I should have thought of painting the chest of drawers some beautiful color. Instead I just varnished it.

      Reply
  11. Carol Ferenc

    These are all great stories, Nicki! Your granddaughter’s experience resonated with me. When I was a kid my mom always gave us some little stocking stuffers plus one great gift we wanted. And then there was the practical gift, usually underwear, socks, maybe pajamas. That one never failed to disappoint.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Ha ha. I’m with your mom. I believe in a few practical gifts.

      Reply
  12. Kate Crimmins

    Most of my memories of failed gifts were from work friends or those secret Santa exchanges with people who don’t know you well. I had a boss (wonderful person) who bought the worst gifts. One year it was a globe. I had no idea what to do with it. One year he gave a wire planter. It had a rounded bottom and when I put a plant in, it crumpled. It went directly into the trash. One year it was crystal candlesticks but the candle opening was so wide, candles weren’t secure and I worried about using them. I could go on and on. I always gave him a bottle of his favorite booze. I was thinking about giving him Thunderbird or Boone’s Farm Strawberry wine but he was too nice for retribution.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Your old boss may have meant well, but he needed a personal shopper.

      Reply
      • Kate Crimmins

        He remarried and that year I got a large crystal salad bowl. Much better but still very oversized. I rarely use it but it is lovely.

        Reply
  13. Maureen

    These are all great stories, Nicki. This is something most people don’t talk about. I think I went overboard at Christmas with my boys because of a few gift fails when I was a kid. As a young teen I told my parents several times my heart’s desire was one of those small cassette tape recorders that were becoming popular. Every Christmas I was hopeful but for whatever reason, it never showed up under the tree and I was always disappointed. My parents didn’t have a lot of money and so I would never let them know how I felt. One year my mother hand knitted me a sweater r and I still feel guilty that I was so unappreciative.
    Hope you don’t have any failed gifts this year!! LOL
    Merry Christmas!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I’m still wearing a wool sweater my grandma knitted for me when I went off to college. It isn’t beautiful, but it sure is warm.

      If I do get or give any gift fails, it will just be a good story. Merry Christmas.

      Reply
  14. L. Marie

    What great stories, Nicki! The worm one is priceless! Ewww!
    Did your daughter eventually appreciate the chest?
    When I was a kid, my aunt gave me a game meant for kids ages 2-6. I was twelve at the time and totally insulted.
    I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      No, I don’t think my daughter ever did appreciate the chest, and it really didn’t solve the messy room problem.

      Your poor aunt. She was probably thinking, these kids grow up so fast. Twelve already?

      Have a wonderful Christmas.

      Reply
  15. Traveller at heart

    These are truly epic Christmas fails, It gave me the chuckles.

    I’m afraid I’m too practical and sensible a person when it comes to gifting. If I feel like giving a gift, I choose it with care from a range of prices.

    As for the Christmas celebration, some locals said ‘ ‘you’re so lucky to spend your Christmas in Athens. We sit in front of the tv in our pyjamas and eat orange. We go to bed at twelve.’ Another local stated that her family has hindi. ‘What is hindi, I asked? She then made the gobbling sound of a turkey. I’ve learnt one new Turkish word, ticked. The translation in the Turkish word of mezze into English is ‘little, little on the table (there’s the action to go with it, too).’

    It looks like you will be travelling the ‘breadth’ of the States for Christmas. Have a safe journey and a lovely time. I hope the travelling is not too stressful.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      You’re picking up some interesting Turkish words and customs. Have a safe trip and an enjoyable holiday.

      Reply

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