The Way It Oughta Be on Thanksgiving

by | Nov 23, 2014 | family | 19 comments

Pumpkins_Hancock_Shaker_village_2418

A Thanksgiving song.

Every holiday has its songs. When I was a kid, we learned just one Thanksgiving song in school. Here’s the first verse. You can listen to the whole song on YouTube.

Over the river and through the woods.

To grandmother’s house we go.

The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh

Through white and drifted snow, oh!

 

Minus the snow and sleigh, the song corresponds with my childhood experience. Every Thanksgiving we drove across town to my grandparents’ house for a turkey dinner complete with stuffing, mashed potatoes and yams, a jelled cranberry salad, green beans with bacon, pickles, carrot sticks, olives and stuffed celery, topping it off with pie a la mode—pumpkin, apple, and pecan or mincemeat.

A Norman Rockwell kind of Thanksgiving.

Freedom from Want, owned by the Norman Rockwell Museum

Freedom from Want, owned by the Norman Rockwell Museum

Norman Rockwell and a thousand advertisements and movies solidified the image. Turkey dinner at Grandma’s house was the American way to celebrate Thanksgiving.

It doesn’t work for everyone for a variety of reasons. In my case, my grandchildren live not “over the river and through the woods,” but on the far side of the country. So do I feel a twinge of regret when I think of celebrating Thanksgiving without them? Of course I do. People are so mobile these days, I grumble, remembering all the grandmas I’ve sat beside as we fly to another state to visit our children and grandchildren.

But wait! Hold on just one minute. These days?

Have things actually changed, or am I remembering not the way the holiday used to be celebrated but the cliché of Thanksgivings past?

The way it actually was

Thanksgiving

finishing Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma’s house (My grandma is holding the chihuahua. My sister is taking the picture.)

Although my sister and I did celebrate Thanksgiving every year with our maternal grandparents, we never celebrated it with my paternal grandparents. (Our grandpa died before we were born, and our grandma went back to England.)

My own children spent most of their childhood in the Philippines with no grandparents nearby and no turkey dinners. When we celebrated Thanksgiving, it was with friends and roast chickens.

Going further back, my ancestors tended to leave the grandparents behind in the old country or on the other side of this one. They boarded a ship or a train, or they saddled up their horses or joined a wagon train, and grandma stayed home where it was safe.

The Pilgrims, by the way, did not go to Grandmother’s house to celebrate the first Thanksgiving.

One crucial element: Give thanks.

I like Norman Rockwell. He was observant and positive and humorous. In his paintings, he captured some iconic scenes of small-town America during the early twentieth century. But America was, and is, more complex than his paintings.

There are millions of ways for Americans to celebrate Thanksgiving. As long as we give thanks, we’re celebrating our national holiday the way it oughta be celebrated.

my signature

19 Comments

  1. nrhatch

    Good thoughts, Nicki. When my mother’s parents were alive, our Thanksgivings were much as you described and Rockwell painted.

    This year, we’ll be celebrating at my niece’s place in Tampa ~ no turkey since all 6 of us are vegetarians or vegans. But we’ll have plenty of food. And plenty to be thankful for.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      After seeing the pictures of food you’ve posted, I have no doubt you’ll be eating well. Have a good time in Tampa.

      Reply
  2. Thanksgiving Joe

    I love huge holiday dinners with family. I agree, no use comparing yourself to others and getting fussy if you don’t exactly match up to some ideal. While giving thanks is great, I think it’s also important to think about how to have a green Thanksgiving while planning this annual feast.

    Reply
  3. Constance - Foreign Sanctuary

    As long as you are thankful for the good in your life and for everything that is beautiful around you, then it doesn’t matter where you celebrate Thanksgiving. When I first moved to Taiwan, Christmas was the hardest for me. But now, I feel that it is different. I host a huge Christmas feast with friends I have known for 15 years, my in-laws also come, and our house is filled with happiness and cheer. I just love preparing the turkey dinner with all the trimmings and my husband and friends all help out. Also, it is not about the presents here, it is about surrounding yourself with friends.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I like the idea of having a holiday on which we give thanks. When we start counting up our blessings, the list is often quite amazing.

      Your huge Christmas feast sounds wonderful, Constance. Good for you.

      Reply
  4. evelyneholingue

    Great post, Nicki. I agree that there are many different ways to celebrate Thanksgiving, as long as we are thankful to be with people we care for. Over the last few days I’ve read different articles about this American tradition as well as comments on my own Thanksgiving post. The diversity of opinion and the fact that Thanksgiving triggers interest explains why it is such a unique American holiday. As always I love the pictures that you chose to illustrate your post.
    Happy Thanksgiving to you and to everyone, here on the blog.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Happy Thanksgiving to you, Evelyne. Even though there may be a diversity of opinion on some details, I think for most Americans Thanksgiving is pretty simple. It’s all about feasting (probably with turkey and pumpkin pie) with friends and family and giving thanks.

      Reply
  5. Jill Weatherholt

    Lovely post, Nicki. I love the photo of Thanksgiving at your grandmother’s house. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I thought I’d be able to find more photos of our typical Thanksgiving dinner in my grandparents’ house. The picture in my mind is so clear. I think usually we had a larger group.

      Reply
  6. Gretchen Houser

    “It never takes longer than a few minutes, when they get together, for everyone to revert to the state of nature, like a party marooned by a shipwreck. That’s what a family is. Also the storm at sea, the ship, and the unknown shore. And the hats and the whiskey stills that you make out of bamboo and coconuts. And the fire that you light to keep away the beasts.”
    ― Michael Chabon, The Yiddish Policemen’s Union

    GREAT POSTING, NICKI!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Thank you, Gretchen, for sharing Michael Chabon’s description of what a family is. The way my family reverted to the state of nature when we had dinner at my grandparents’ house involved my dad praising my grandma’s cooking, the men retiring to the living room after dessert to smoke (my grandpa smoked a pipe), and the women washing the dishes with my sister and I helping a bit around the edges.

      Reply
  7. Janet Brown

    Well put! There’s too much nostalgia for things that never were.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      As long as we realize it’s nostalgia for things that never were, we can enjoy the shared myth.

      Reply
  8. Jocelyn - Speaking of China

    This article couldn’t have come at a better time — especially when I’m going to be celebrating T-day here in China, far from my family. Sometimes I wish I could be there but it’s just not possible. Still, I can call them on Skype, give thanks for what I do have and enjoy the holiday regardless.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Have a happy Thanksgiving in China. Your post gives good tips on how to explain the day to friends and family in China.

      Reply
  9. restlessjo

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family, Nicki, however you choose to spend it 🙂

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Thank you, Jo. It is a lovely holiday. This year my daughter, my sister, niece, nephew and grand-nephew and I will be celebrating together. Afterwards we’re going on a two-day outing to Whidbey Island. I’m hoping the weather will be reasonably nice.

      Reply
  10. Silver in the Barn

    Couldn’t agree more! I think people can get distraught over the holidays when they compare themselves and their families to the idealized images of the Norman Rockwell paintings or Hallmark cards. Your crucial element is what it is all about: giving thanks. (And I am rather fond of Rockwell paintings!)

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      A few years ago, my granddaughter and I visited a large exhibit of Norman Rockwell paintings at the Children’s Museum of Indianapolis. Before that, I liked his work, but I may have taken him for granted. The exhibit reminded me what a genius he was.

      Reply

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