When I was growing up in the post-World War Two era, my mom and dad swore as much as the next guy and gal. They said “damn” and “hell” and the occasional “damn it all to hell.” Never “sh*t” or “f***,” at least not in my presence. My dad had a particular aversion to “sh*t.” It was way too graphic for his taste.
His sensitivity seems strange to me now, especially since he worked in a rough and tumble logging camp after he left home at the age of fifteen. Later he fought the Nazis in North Africa, Italy, France, and Germany. He must have heard lots of cursing there. But times were different.
Dad was an easygoing guy with a relaxed way of swearing. Mom put more punch into her four-letter-words. If she stubbed her toe or broke a glass, there was real power behind her “damn” or “hell.”
Then as now, children, especially girls, were expected to steer clear of profanity. When I left home, I could have started swearing, I suppose, but I didn’t. Somehow it didn’t occur to me. Now I’m wondering if that was a mistake. According to a recent article in The Atlantic, cursing has multiple benefits.
Stephanie Hayes, who wrote “Curses! How to get ahead by swearing,” cited nine different studies. It turns out that some of us should swear more often. Here’s why:
- Taboo words do a better job of communicating emotional information than ordinary words. And they do it without involving fists or fingernails.
- Cursing helps you tolerate pain. In one study, participants were able to keep their hands in icy water 40 seconds longer when they used a strong swear word or two. (This doesn’t work very well on people who swear all the time. I guess profane words lose their power from overuse.)
- Swearing in the factory or office can help build a sense of solidarity, although it may hurt your chances of getting a promotion since it gives the impression of being less competent.
- Swearing makes your words more persuasive. Juries and voters are more easily swayed by someone using mild expletives than by someone using none at all. (Note the applause when Bernie Sanders said in a debate, “The American people are sick and tired of hearing about your damn emails.”) On the other hand, if the audience is already inclined to dislike you, a curse will be off-putting.
I take two lessons from these studies. First, if I hit my finger with a hammer, I definitely should swear. And second, if I want the characters in my next novel to be persuasive and to communicate emotional information effectively, I should allow them to utter a few obscenities.
What do you think? Do you swear? Do you swear effectively?
Did you see The Wolf of Wall Street? I understand there were 544 f-words in that movie. (Someone counted.) I’m guessing the researchers mentioned above wouldn’t give that two thumbs up.
people that swear a lot–it shows me that they’re not very disciplined..personally i don’t swear that much..i tend to take negative events pretty calmly and withiout swearing..most anyone i’ve ever known that swears a whole lot is not a happy person and doesn’t take negative circumstances that occur ,with any kind of positive attititude and tend to become aggrivated very easily,thusly the frequent swearing.
I agree with you. People who swear too much seem to be unable to cope with negative circumstances and haven’t figured out an effective way to get rid of their anger. Either that, or they hang around with people who swear as easily as they speak. Like you, I almost never swear. You could call that discipline, except that I seldom feel the desire to swear. As a writer, though, I find that not all my characters have the same temperament as I do. And, as the Atlantic article I cited points out: “Swearing makes your words more persuasive.”
The title of my post was a little bit overblown, but I did feel I learned something from the insights taken from research studies and reported in Curses! How to get ahead by swearing.
That study is interesting.The last point on swear words making our words sound more persuasive and convincing is quite true. I can’t think of a word to replace “damn” that would give “…damn email” the same effect. Perhaps the word “frigging”? Then again, some reckon that is a bad word. I tend to only swear when I am frustrated, never casually. I wasn’t brought up to swear but as I grew older, hearing others swear made me realise hey, why not? Not the end of the world if you swear, but I am certainly mindful of others who aren’t too fond of it at all.
In the novel I’m currently reading, White Oleander, most of the characters don’t swear. The one character who uses profanity, and often in anger, stands out from the rest. He would be a different person if he didn’t swear. I just started the book yesterday, and already he’s dead. He wasn’t the kind of character you mourn.
How did I miss this post in my reader??? My kind of topic, too! *rubs hands*
I’ve gone through phases. Swearing as a kid because it was so naughty to do so. Then working w/ kids and learning to undo a lot unconsious swearing = controlling my language. And now I’m back again, swearing b/c there is power in words and sometimes those words WORK!
I remember trying to skirt around a swear word in writing when a swear word would just do nicely, thank you. I know for a woman it’s considered crude and crass, but I hate to play into stereotypes. I think the right swear word at the right time can ease tension and make people laugh. Words are tools and weapons as well – use wisely.
Thanks for a great post, Nicki!
I can definitely see you swearing as a kid … then having to control your tongue as a teacher … and then coming around to a mature attitude toward swearing. You make some good points about easing tension and making people laugh with the right swear word at the right time. Writers only have words. We have to use all of them wisely and fearlessly.
“Writers only have words. We have to use all of them wisely and fearlessly.” – love it.
That’s a good one, Nicki! Like you I grew up in a family where swearing was forbidden to kids. My dad did swear whenever he was fixing our cars, which were always second hand. I admit being a little afraid when it happened since he was a gentle and funny man. Except when he fixed the car. So swearing was associated to difficulties for me. So as long as i lived in France I didn’t swear. Then I moved to the States where nobody understood fluent French, slang and cursing words included. My husband doesn’t swear but did occasionally. So once in a while I would too. This is how and why my son (four years old then) swore in the car with my in-laws in it. They assumed that my little boy had learned this bad word through his dad. In fact it was from me and I admitted that I occasionally swore in French when I met an especially annoying driver in my way.
So your study is probably quite accurate!!!!
Great post!
Last year my youngest grandson thought “stupid” was a swear word. This year he has heard some more potent words from his friends. My daughter and son-in-law scold him, and then comes the inevitable question: “Where did you hear that word?” It doesn’t take long to identify the friend and make the assumption about the friend’s parents. Having small children must keep lots of parents from swearing.
Interesting study! I’m not a big swearer, more of an under my breath swearer…but it really does make me feel better if I’ve stubbed my toe or something equally painful!
In the novel I’m currently writing I’ve avoided using profanity, but I really have questioned myself because I really can see this character as a cusser!
As writers, we can put ourselves inside the heads of our characters and imagine what they would do or say, but sometimes it’s hard to allow them to say things we wouldn’t. I guess we have to make our own choices and hope for the best. Writing is a dangerous sport.
I am probably in the minority, but I don’t swear and I don’t like to hear it at all. My parents didn’t ever swear and I taught my children not to swear. My mother-in-law maintained that people who swore demonstrated their inadequate vocabularies. I do cringe when reading or hearing swearing, especially if it is unnecessary.
I prefer to read books and watch movies and television where there is very limited swearing. So many movies have gratuitous swearing. There are cases where it seems appropriate for the character, but for the most part, I think we can increase our vocabulary and describe our feelings and thoughts in other terms.
Thanks for listening to my rant.
You may be in the minority, Kris, but after reading the responses here and from what I see among the people I know, there’s a wide variety of attitudes about swearing, and many people find it cringe-worthy.
I thought the article in the Atlantic with all its research findings was interesting. I have to admit that I was being provocative with my title. On the other hand, even though I almost never swear, I’m pretty tolerant about what other people do.
I’m rather afraid that I do- now! I never used to use the F word, and still only mutter it under my breath. Like your Dad, I really dislike ‘sh..!’ Probably better than kicking the cat. And we don’t have one 🙂
Yes, kicking the cat would definitely be worse. This has been fun, seeing all the different responses. Not many big swearers among my readers.
I do swear, time to time, but not too much. It does help me to “let it all go out of my system” but it also makes me uncomfortable at some points.
Maybe it is like eating chocolate. Eating too much will make the blood rushes to the head! LOL!
Very sensible. Moderation in all things, including swearing.
Such a thought-provoking article, Nicki. Growing up, swearing was taboo in my house. Or rather, swearing in English was taboo. My parents both swore in Cantonese, but never dropped the f-bomb. I do remember a rare few occasions when my dad said the f-word, and it was when he was very angry and when he said it, everyone fell slient.
I don’t swear. I deem it unnecessary for me personally because I feel that those swear words carry a lot of negativity, and I don’t feel well with negativity around me. That’s not to say I don’t have friends or colleagues who swear all the time. I do, and to me, it’s their choice and not mine so it doesn’t bother me.
Your sentiments mirror mine. I was brought up to believe swearing is rude. I still do. I’ve been among people who swear a lot. They noted my preference and try to keep it to a minimum when I’m around. But they rub off on me and occasionally I hear myself say “sh*t”.
Some of my characters swear, because that is who they are in the story. I still cringe when reading articles (not stories) littered with swear words.
What we do or say in our private lives is not the same as what our characters do and say. If we’re going to be true to them, we have to allow them to swear, if that’s what they do. I suppose it’s like using dialect; we don’t have to print it out all the way through; we can use just enough to make the character authentic without annoying the reader. As you said, articles are different.
I do notice some people try not to swear around me, thinking that I think it is offensive. I really do not, but I suppose some people are polite and do care about others 🙂
When I was growing up, although mild swearing was fairly common, the f-word was not. At least I didn’t hear it. Swear words change with the times. According to Melissa Mohr, who wrote Holy Sh*t: A Brief History of Swearing, “Curse words tend to be based on whatever societies find most taboo, and most scary, and most interesting.” We’re not as religious as we used to be, so religious curse words are used less frequently, and they aren’t considered as offensive as they were in the past. It used to be very offensive to call someone a bastard. Now not so much, maybe because it’s more common to have a child outside of marriage. I guess we still find sexual intercourse either taboo, scary, or interesting.
Good point on the fact that quite a number of us are not that religious in this world, and we don’t believe that if we say a curse word, we will be cursed for a long time coming.
That last thought on the act of sex is interesting. Probably all of the above – taboo, scary and interesting.
I’ve learned most of the Chinese swearwords I know from cab drivers/my husband when they are driving. But I’d only suggest you use swearwords in your own language, people don’t take it too well if someone uses a foreign language to swear too much (a little and not too harsh is ok though).
Good advice, Ruth. Like everything else in a foreign language, learning the words is only a first step. It’s harder to learn all the implications and expectations. I haven’t been to China for a long time, but I suspect it’s still more acceptable for men to swear than for women.
I’ve been known to pepper my speech with salty language . . . it can be quite effective for making a point. It’s like an exclamation point!
But I don’t care for the &*^%ing “Richard Pryor’s” of the world who reach for a %$^&-%#$^ swear word every other %$#^ing word in every %$^&ing sentence. It’s lazy.
I used to watch The Daily Show for its topical humor. But I did find its reliance on salty language off-putting. My new favorite comedy is a TV sitcom: Superstore. Their shenanigans tickle my funny bone.
I don’t curse a lot in English, but a few slip out from time to time.
I used to curse in Chinese and Taiwanese on occasion. However, I stopped when I learned the underlying meaning of the actual swear phases I was saying. For me, cursing in another language didn’t and doesn’t seem to have the same power or impact as it has in one’s native language.
I have a character in my new novel who is British, and she seems to want to swear more than my American characters. “Bloody” doesn’t sound so bad to my American ears. The curse words my husband translated for me from Hokkien, with all their references to animals and their behavior, struck me as very funny, although I can see how insulting they were.
I used to swear when I was a teenager, of course my parents didn’t know. As an adult, I don’t remember the last time I used a cuss word. I’m with Carol on the cussing in movies, that’s what keeps me away from the theater.
Comedians are often the worst offenders, which is a shame since comedians are supposed to make us laugh. I guess laughing isn’t the same as happy. The movies that keep me home are those that are filled with violence. There are lots of good movies out there though.
I’ll use the occasional cuss word but it’s always pretty mild. When I was working I didn’t swear ~ it just seemed inappropriate. I quickly get tired of hearing swear words in movie dialog so I didn’t even bother with The Wolf of Wall Street. The screenwriters and producers may think all that swearing is more realistic but I strongly disagree.
You bring up an important point about the intent of screenwriters and movie producers who hope to make their movies more realistic by including lots of swearing. The thing is, the amount of swearing varies widely depending on the group or community. In my personal experience, I don’t hear much swearing … except in movies and on TV. Does that say something about the people I hang out with? Or do movies and TV feature more swearing than is used by the people they’re trying to portray? Could they sprinkle in a light layer of profanity and still remain realistic? I didn’t see The Wolf of Wall Street either. I suppose the swearing in it was more or less realistic since the screenplay was adapted from the memoir of the stockbroker who was the main character. A real villain.
I think the movies & TV feature much more swearing than in real life ~ with a few exceptions. Maybe they’re just going for shock value.
Don’t like swearing. I find it disrespectful. I dislike movies that feel they need to use it. It’s like a cop out for better acting.
Paddy, with all your years in the classroom teaching impressionable children, it’s a good thing you didn’t develop a swearing habit.
Not swearing enough is NOT something I will ever have to wonder about!
I haven’t heard you swear yet. I guess you choose your time and place.
Since retiring I only swear in the car at other drivers but only the stupid ones. It makes me feel better. I don’t remember the last time I did it in front of someone. Then again, I’m not around people wh are frustrating (unless I’m driving).
I’m glad I usually don’t drive during rush hour. Most of the people who drive around my little city during the middle of the day are polite. So I try to follow their examples so I won’t be the object of their curses. When I lived in Manila, the driving was more aggressive. It took me a while to get my aggressive mojo going. Then, when I got back home, I had to change my ways again.
I lived in New Jersey for 3 years. Same thing happened there. When I moved back everyone thought I was an animal on the road.
I feel like this must be why you visit my website. To get used to all the swearing. 🙂
Believe it or not, I actually edit out half the swear words before I post.
Your posts have many, many attractions … beyond the “colorful” language.
Lani from Lani, The Universe once stated that living abroad breaks you down. It certainly does but one is only human and judgement has to be employed. There’s the time and place for everything. Over the years, I have learnt to go with the flow and use my energy effectively.
If we would all go with the flow and use our energy effectively, we’d have fewer reasons to swear.
I’ve never been effective at swearing. I’ve been cursed out in different languages though. Growing up, people in my neighborhood would curse you out in a way that stripped you bare and made you never want to hear those words again. Their words brought pain, rather than alleviated it.
You bring up the very worst use of swearing: cursing someone. I tend to think of the meaning of the language. What could be worse than using religious words to wish someone eternal damnation? Sexual accusations or threats, too, go beyond simple swearing into real cruelty.
I swear a lot, not as much when I am with family or friends, but therefore even more when I am alone. It helps me to express my emotions better, and it definitely is a great way to release built up preassure.
As for point three, I can relate to that. Swearing in the office might be a good way to built bonds with co-workers, but Mrs. boss was not amused at all when someone did.
Maybe you should just try it out to sear more when you are alone. You won’t hurt anyone and noone will notice you do. And as long as you won’t be taken to court, everything will be fine.
I don’t know whether I really need to swear more. But since the research shows there are benefits to swearing, I’m willing to consider changing my ways to some extent. I thought the experiment with ice water was interesting. A painful incident might deserve more that a “darn.” Even better if I’m alone, as you suggest.
I am rather ambitious when it comes to playing video games (Mr.Panda says I turn into another human), and swearing also gives me new energy and more stamina when it comes to play difficult parts in certain games. So definitely go for it! 😀
I’m smiling, picturing you intently leaning over your video game and swearing.