You Don’t Know What It’s Like to Be a …

by | Nov 22, 2015 | books, historical fiction, Tiger Tail Soup, writing | 33 comments

 Lucille_Ball_Richard_Keith_Desi_Arnaz_I_Love_Lucy_1956How many times have we seen the man in a sitcom or romantic comedy shake his head and say: I’ll never understand women? When the men and his friends act like a bunch of boys, the woman doesn’t say a word. She simply rolls her eyes. She isn’t surprised. And yet, the audience knows the woman cannot possibly comprehend why men act the way they do.

In the political realm, we assume people can’t really understand what it’s like to be poor or a minority if they’re comfortable and a member of the racial and ethnic majority. The implicit message is that if you haven’t lived it, you have no right to talk about it. You don’t understand what it’s like to be … me.

What’s a novelist to do?

Even within our gender, race and economic circumstances, we’re hesitant to presume too much. So when a friend has a bad accident or experiences a serious illness, loss of spouse, child, or grandchild, we offer our sympathy. And then we all too often say something like: “I can’t possibly imagine what it must be like to …”

The thing is, we can imagine. Especially if we put some effort into it. Especially if we have some knowledge of the world and some life experiences of our own.

Especially if we read. Every time we lose ourselves in a novel, we feel ourselves becoming the characters. We start to see the world from their viewpoint. Their tears and joys become ours.

Fiction writers are often told, “Write what you know.” But if we took that advice to the extreme, we wouldn’t stray much beyond memoir. So, how far can we go? Can writers believably portray characters unlike themselves?

In Madame Bovary, Gustave Flaubert did just that, forever proving that men could write from a female point of view.

In Frankenstein, Mary Shelly got inside the skin of dark, sad men and a monster.

Gillian Flynn was every bit as convincing writing from Nick’s point of view as from Amy’s in her wildly successful novel, Gone Girl.

Jack London even imagined himself into the mind of a dog named Buck in Call of the Wild.

And Pearl S. Buck, a white American, won the Nobel Prize for The Good Earth, a novel about Chinese peasants.

Despite these success stories, there is still a considerable amount of suspicion when a novelist steps outside her lived experience, especially, I think, with regard to race and nationality.

Before I started writing my novel, Tiger Tail Soup, I worried more than a little about writing from a Chinese point of view. Could I do it? Did I, a white American who has never experienced war first hand, have any right to write about war in China from the viewpoint of a Chinese woman?

Well, yes. Imagining other lives is what novelists do. It’s the primary job requirement.

And yet, I hesitated. I tried to find another way to tell the story. But eventually I overcame my misgivings, jumped in, and did my best. Whether I imagined those lives successfully, I’ll leave it to my readers to decide.

my cover, 5-27-14my signature

33 Comments

  1. livelytwist

    I enjoyed reading this post and all the comments.

    I find this William Faulkner quote to be true:
    A writer needs three things, experience, observation, and imagination, any two of which, at times any one of which, can supply the lack of the others.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      That’s a great quote, Timi. The perfect quote for this subject. It’s as though Faulkner is giving us permission to take what may feel like a dangerous leap.

      Reply
  2. Lani

    We have the ability to empathize and sympathize and these are important, if not vital, emotions that allow us to “experience” what other people experience. Many people are not taught to do this and many others are. I think in this time of race wars and great economic divisions we need to keep our caps on straight, so to speak.

    Some people will try to invalidate another’s experience or point of view and speak from fear and scarcity. Others will be quiet because they don’t think it has to do with them. But whatever battles we humans face, we do face together and the sooner the hard shells and defenses fall away, the sooner we can get on creating better lives for everyone.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Yes, this is a time for keeping our caps on straight. Understanding other people is crucial, not only for writers, but for all of us if we’re going to live together in peace.

      Reply
  3. Betty has a Panda

    What you say is so true!
    Even though they say that one should write what they know, it still takes some skills to even write about your own stories. And it certainly takes even more skills to authentically write about another person’s life.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Writing our own stories is hard in its own way. Privacy kicks in. And embarrassment, and wondering whether anyone could possibly be interested. Plus, writing about your own life, you feel compelled to stick to the facts. Fictional characters have to be researched. But then anything goes within the parameters the author has set. My flights of fancy don’t fly very high, but it would be fun to let my imagination run wild.

      Reply
  4. clareodea

    You raise some very interesing points Nicki. I agree with you that a novelist has a special pass to write from any point of view. After that, whether they manage it successfully or not is for the reader to decide. I believe you did a wonderful job in Tiger Tail Soup.
    But, generally speaking, I think it is very difficult to go beyond briefly imagining what it is to be someone else in a difficult position, for example someone suffering from depression. The difference is we can forget about it and carry on with our day, while the person who is suffering or disadvantaged in some way can never walk away from that reality.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Maybe that’s what people mean, Clare, when they say, “You don’t know what it’s like to be me.” We can imagine, but we don’t have to stay there and live with the situation all day every day. Also, that must be why we often sense anger when trying to commiserate with a person who is suffering. No matter how much pain the sympathetic person has experienced in his life, the person who is in the midst of his own pain doesn’t want to hear about it.

      Reply
  5. sknicholls

    I loved this Nicki! I deeply believe empathy is enhanced through reading. All writers must possess it to some degree. Feeling what your characters are feeling breathes life into them. It’s also what makes all of us writers a wee bit crazier than most.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      You have a double dose of empathy, Susan, with your writing and your many years of experience as a nurse. Your writing shows it.

      Reply
  6. Mabel Kwong

    This is such an important point of discussion: can anyone write about any kind of issue no matter their race, background, gender and so on? I agree with you, “Imagining other lives is what novelists do.” We all have our own unique perspectives to offer, and so long as we make ourselves clear who we are; then that should help us contextualise the situation. I’m looking forward to getting your book at some point. I’m sure it will be an inspirational read.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      War stories can be inspirational. War tests people. It brings out the good and the bad in them. They must have courage, strength, and ingenuity to survive. I hope you’ll have a chance to read Tiger Tail Soup. Is anyone in your family originally from Fujian Province?

      Reply
      • Mabel Kwong

        War can certainly be inspirational – light at the end of the tunnel. No, none of my family are originally from the Fujian Province, and I’m so looking forward to reading your book when I get it 🙂

        Reply
  7. nrhatch

    If writers only wrote from first hand experience and observation without extrapolation, we would not have been gifted with:

    Harry Potter
    Gulliver’s Travels
    Alice in Wonderland
    Mary Poppins
    A Christmas Carol
    Etc.

    Write on!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      You listed some wonderful flights of imagination, Nancy. I’ll never get tired of Alice in Wonderland for one.

      Reply
  8. Mindy

    We all hear the writerly advice spilling freely from those who know and those who don’t, my only suggestion when asked is to always, always write what you’re passionate about. Nice post. Mindy

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Write what you’re passionate about is the best advice. Otherwise you won’t be enthusiastic about doing the research and understanding the characters.

      Reply
  9. Carol Ferenc

    Just the other day I bought Tiger Tale Soup. I’ve got a couple other books to get to first ~ I’m in a book club ~ but I’m looking forward to diving in to your novel, Nicki.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Wow! I’m so glad, Carol. I hope you’ll like it. (A brief review on Amazon would be much appreciated.)

      Reply
  10. autumnashbough

    So true! My biggest pet peeve with writers is LAZINESS. So often, minimal research is done. Which is crazy, in this day and age, with so many resources and even original documents online.

    In the same vein, I get really irritated with writers who make a writer their main character. Honestly, find a blacksmith, or any job where people do something more exciting than sit at a computer. 🙂 Figure out how a sculptor looks at the world, etc.

    Will now kick soapbox away. 🙂

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      A blacksmith. That might be fun. Some jobs are definitely easier than others. A modern day farmer would have to be researched. Farming is so complex these days. Even a farm worker–there’s bound to be some stories behind the situation of someone who picks apples.

      Talk about research, the husband and wife team who wrote Come From Away, the play I saw yesterday, flew to Gander, Newfoundland, where the play was set for research. They did four-hour interviews with everyone they met. They got invited to their homes. They stayed for almost a month, talked to hundreds of people, and came home with thousands of stories. They did their research, and it showed in the finished product: a wonderful musical produced by the Seattle Repertory Theater.

      Reply
  11. Traveller at heart

    I have followed your blog for a little while. I note the responses you have made. You certainly have the writer’s voice, a great one, too.

    Are good writers made or are they born?

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I think good writers are both made and born. We all have to work hard to write effectively, but it’s much easier for some people than others.

      Reply
  12. wheremyfeetare

    I need to read your book! 🙂 Yes, a good book can transport me to another place and time from a different point of view than my own. I imagine there must be a lot of research to get the facts right but the character’s thoughts and feelings are more universal, we can usually relate to them.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I think reading is better than movies or TV at allowing us inside the heads and feelings of characters. But movies and TV transport us so effectively to another time and place–even if it’s actually a sound stage.

      Reply
  13. Paddy

    You were successful in Tiger Tail Soup. Your story brought me and other readers as well into the war through a woman’s perspective but you also depicted the men in the story with clarity. Writers jump into characters lives only after a great deal of thought and research. What you say is true; all of us CAN understand others in times of need or stress if we allow ourselves to “go there”.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I find some people harder to understand and sympathize with than others. If I want them in my story, though, I have to make the effort.

      Reply
  14. Kate Crimmins

    I loved Tiger Tail Soup. For me, it was historical and enlightening. Many of us have not lived through a war on our own land and it certainly was believable. I don’t think you have to experience something to write about it effectively. People often know what others are going through. They don’t feel the intensity of the pain but they know it’s there. Looking forward to your next novel!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Thanks, Kate.It’s a good thing we can understand what someone else is experiencing without actually “feeling” his pain.

      Reply
  15. L. Marie

    Great post! You did a great job in Tiger Tail Soup.

    All we can do is portray our characters as sensitively as possible. I was hesitant to write a character who was a different gender and race. But that character demanded that his story be told. 🙂

    I read a mystery convinced that the author (whom I didn’t know at the time) was the same race as his main character–he was that convincing. Turns out he wasn’t. Now that’s good writing!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Thank you, L. Marie.

      I’m glad to hear that the author of your mystery was so successful in capturing the life of someone of another race. It can be done.

      Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and your favorite bookstore.

Archives

Follow Me

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Loading
Available on Amazon

Archives