Today is Easter Sunday. In anticipation of the holiday, stores, classrooms and homes have been decorated with symbols of new life: bunnies and ducklings and baskets full of colored eggs that might have become baby chicks if they hadn’t been boiled.
At its heart, Easter is a holiday that celebrates the new life of Jesus Christ, or, to be more precise, his Resurrection from the dead after three days in the tomb.
So where does Monica Lewinsky’s story fit in? No cute baby animals there, no miracles. But after watching her TED talk, it occurred to me that her story is the perfect example of new life.
Can you guess how long it’s been since Monica Lewinsky was introduced to the world? It may seem like just yesterday, but it’s been seventeen years. Ever since 1998, Lewinsky has been buried in a symbolic tomb of shame.
The image of the pretty smiling girl in a beret has never disappeared. But the real Monica Lewinsky has been out of the public eye. If you’re too young to remember her story, you may at least have heard her name. It’s been used in the lyrics of almost forty rap songs.
When her story hit the news, I remember sympathizing with her. Still, I followed the salacious details of her affair with the President and joined in the ubiquitous conversations about the young intern. Thinking back on her worldwide public humiliation, it’s a miracle she survived.
In her TED talk, she recounts how her mother sat by her bed each night in 1998 and wouldn’t allow her to shower behind a closed door. She was afraid her daughter would be “humiliated to death.” As we’ve seen in more recent cases of cyber-bullying and online harassment, suicide wasn’t an unreasonable fear.
Now, at the age of forty one, Monica Lewinsky has a new life. She speaks out against cyber-bullying and slut-shaming and advocates for empathy and compassion. It’s the compassion and empathy of her family and friends, professionals and even strangers that saved her, she says.
Ms. Lewinsky winds up her TED talk with these words: “… anyone who is suffering from shame and public humiliation needs to know, you can survive it … you can insist on a different ending to your story …”
Most of us have stories far less dramatic than Monica Lewinsky’s, but we all have our troubles and symbolic deaths. In the midst of our troubles, we may have a hard time seeing past them to the new life beyond.
A few months after my husband died, I tried to imagine how I would ever be happy again. At that point, seventeen years ago, it seemed impossible. Today I can report that, yes, I definitely have been happy many times since he died.
It took only three days for Jesus to rise from the dead. We ordinary human beings take much, much longer to rise up—to recover from cancer or alcoholism, from a job loss, divorce, a death in the family… or shame.
Have you ever experienced a “resurrection” of sorts? Have you had occasion to be grateful for the compassion of others?
From the bulb fields of Skagit to a lovely Easter basket 🙂 Life certainly throws down its challenges, Nicki, doesn’t it? I mostly need saving from myself, but meeting my husband had an enormous impact on mine.
I suppose most of us need saving from ourselves, Jo, but meeting the right person can certainly help us meet life’s challenges.
A wonderfully thought out juxtaposition of subject matter on the topic of resurrection. I enjoyed the read. Thank you.
Thank you, Francis. “Juxtaposition” is good way to describe it. But I already knew you were good with words.
I’ve been so behind, NIcki, and haven’t been able to get to this post as quickly as I would normally. I couldn’t agree more with your point of view. I wasn’t entirely sympathetic to Monica at the time. But then I saw an interview by an absolutely lovely elderly woman who described how she was completely swept off her feet by JFK during her intern years and how much the power of that position can leave a young girl helpless. I thought then of Monica and imagined what it must have been like to have the laser-like charms of a President of the United States turned towards you. Pretty heady stuff. I saw Monica’s TED talk and was very moved. I wish her nothing but the best going forward – she more than deserves a chance at a good life. Who among us hasn’t done something idiotic in our young lives, but we managed to escape without public shaming.. She wasn’t so lucky.
Thank you for recounting the story of the woman who was swept off her feet by JFK when she was an intern. It makes me wonder if most of us didn’t make the same foolish mistake she did because we didn’t have the opportunity. As you said, being the object of the charms of a US President would be pretty heady stuff. How many of us would have been able to resist.
Such a great post, Nicki. I missed it for Easter, but it is valuable any day of our lives. I remember well Monica and Clinton. I was newly arrived in the USA, and it was surprising to me to see this story making the headlines, when French presidents and political figures were totally on the loose regarding their private lives. I also sympathized with Monica, because she was so much younger than President Clinton and working under his orders. I think she was smart to take the time to heal and get stronger in order to use her experience to help other women. Leaving shame and hard times behind us is a challenge and we need to allow the time to do its job. But I agree with Monica and you that difficulties and even shameful events don’t have to define us forever. Again, great post, Nicki.
Thank you, Evelyne, for adding a European view to the discussion. It’s good to have another perspective.
I remember the story and the media frenzy regarding Monica Lewinsky. When the news broke, I always remember thinking and stating that it takes two to tango, but unfortunately she seemed to bear most of the wrongdoing in the public’s eye.
We all face sad times and tragic events in our lives However, time and perseverance is the key to finding happiness again.
As you say, it takes two to tango. Lewinsky was maligned a lot in the public eye, but I do think plenty of shame and blame also fell on Clinton. He was older and tougher, though–amazingly thick-skinned and determined.
Perseverance is a useful virtue. And while one is persevering, it’s good to keep hope, joy and the appreciation of beauty alive.
Monica is doing a brave thing, taking back her narrative and insisting on a different ending. Everyone isn’t rolling out the red carpet though. Just as in Jesus’ time, there are skeptics who doubt this resurrection. Time will tell. I admire her courage. Thank you for striking rich parallels with your writing. I enjoyed it.
Hi Timi. Thank you for stopping by. You’re right to bring up the skeptics who doubt Monica Lewinsky’s resurrection. My take on it is that she tried to come back too soon with her handbag line, her ads as a spokesman for Jenny Craig, her appearance on MTV, her reality TV dating program, her autobiography, etc. What she needed was a retreat in the metaphorical desert. I’m guessing that spending ten years out of the public eye has helped her gain perspective and find a more suitable cause than handbags and dieting. One way or another, she has been through a lot, and I wish her luck.
I enjoyed your post, The Price of Shame. You made it personal by sharing your humiliation for the way you performed at an interview you weren’t well prepared for. Then you said something that touched my heart: “I have other memories, secrets, too painful to share, which still stain my cheeks red. My shame has filled my compassion vaults, so now I have compassion to spare for others.”
Timi (Lively Twist) also touched upon Monica’s TED Talk. Thought her post might interest you:
https://livelytwist.wordpress.com/2015/04/05/the-price-of-shame/
Thank you for the tip, Nancy. I enjoyed Timi’s “twist” on the subject.
Nicki, I loved your empathetic and thoughtful response to Monica’s Ted Talk. I, too, listened to it. I felt so sad to think about the horror she experienced as a result of a “relationship,” that to her felt so real and meaningful- I was not as empathetic at the time and I regret that.
Youth can be a harsh preparation for adult life – the wisdom comes late, but the consequences of our learning experiences follow so long.
Bless Monica and her mother. I love your analogy of her resurrection. Monica had to be strong to survive all that – and her mother perhaps more so.
You bring up two good points, Sheila. You said the consequences of our youthful learning experiences follow so long. So true, even when our mistakes and indiscretions aren’t broadcast to the whole world, there may still be long-lasting consequences.
You also mention the strength of Monica’s mom. I have an acquaintance whose young daughter has been suffering from online bullying for a couple of years. The girl is in a terrible state, and the whole family is in turmoil.
When I listened to Monica Lewinsky on TEDTalk recently, I was very moved. She has obviously matured into a lovely and articulate woman. Seventeen years ago, when the story broke, I had no sympathy for her or Clinton. Having seen things in the work place, over the years, I do sympathize with what she experienced.
Happy Easter, Nicki. It makes me smile to know that you’ve been happy many times, since the passing of your husband.
One complicating factor in the Monica Lewinsky story is politics. I confess to feeling less sympathy for someone from the “other” political party when they are caught doing something scandalous. It’s too bad our politics has become so toxic that we forget to be compassionate to people who have different political views than we have.
Yes, Jill. Time does heal. And there are so many beautiful things in the world to be happy about.
Wonderful message, Nicki. Thanks for posting. Happy Easter!
Thanks, Jan. I hope you had a wonderful Easter. Mine was simple but good. I even got to church early–an unusual achievement since I often either race to my seat while Father is starting up the aisle or tip-toe in after he’s begun.
We were all eighteen and stupid once. I am grateful that my own idiocy wasn’t captured by the national media.
Also, hats off to Monica Lewinsky’s mother. She should write a “How to” manual for parents of children living their fifteen minutes of fame in misery and shame..
I, too, am grateful my own idiocy wasn’t shown worldwide, especially since for some of the worst of it I was older than eighteen.
Mrs. Lewinsky could definitely write a how-to manual.
I always felt a sympathy for her. I worked in the cold hard business world and I saw many a pretty young things just out of college fall for someone older and with power. They believed when told that something would come out of it. What usually came out of it was loss of job, humiliation and a lesson. Most weren’t punished for years because their discretion wasn’t quite so public. When something happens, people take sides based on little to no information. Sometimes what we think is true, sometimes not. Being kind to all people is the best action. When my Dad died (my mother was 45 at the time and I was 10) my Mom had a hard time getting over it. It was scary for me because I was afraid she would die too. We all survived in time. Time is a great healer but it takes so damn long!
“Being kind to all people is the best action.” That’s it in a nutshell.
I was 19 when my grandpa died, and I still remember how strange and frightening it was to see my normally lively, competent grandma sitting in her rocking chair with a blank expression on her face, unable to move. I can imagine how much more frightening it would be if that were my mom and I was 10 years old. Glad you survived … and came out so wonderful on the other side.
I heard her talk a few weeks ago and was impressed and moved. She has certainly grown up and has a message worth sharing. Nice blog post. Mindy
Thanks, Mindy. After the scandal and then several false starts, I agree, she has grown up. It may have taken her longer than some people, but she had a lot to overcome.
Happy Easter, Nicki!
I never thought I would listen to a TEDTalk by Monica Lewinsky. But I listened to it and cried while hearing it. In 1998, I was among those who failed to sympathize with her. My sympathies were with a wife who had been humiliated by her husband’s affair. But listening to Monica, I feel ashamed of how I was quick to judge her then. No one deserves what she went through–what others are going through now.
So glad you thought to combine the new life offered at Easter with the fresh start Monica and others publicly shamed desire. Thank you for that.
I’m glad my blog led you to Monica Lewinsky’s TED talk, and then to write your own excellent post, “The Echo of Embarrassment.” I liked your comment, “Instead of joining the crowd throwing rocks, I can do something else: I can consider how I would feel to take such a public blow.” Your link to the Bible passage in which Jesus asks him who is without sin to throw the first rock at the woman caught in adultury is certainly apropo.
Happy Easter!
So sad to think back on how Monica was treated. She was a victim and yet she was bullied. People with power and media ruined her life for too many years. I’m glad she is getting a second chance to find her way in the world.
I recently read an article about a woman who tweeted something stupid like many people do but it she was raked over the coals. She was a journalist and other journalists did exactly what they accused her of doing. She had to go into hiding and after a decade made a new life for herself. It is truly sad how people do what they accuse others of but not see it. (Accuse others of being intolerant yet won’t tolerant them to have differing views…)
Happy Easter, Suzicate.
We click and skim so fast over articles and blogs on the internet. We make our comments and move on. Sometimes we look back on our comments and see typos, misspelling, and strange leaps of logic we didn’t mean to make. It’s easy to be careless online, carelessly cruel is something else. The journalist you spoke of took ten years to make a new life for herself. That shows how harmful our words can be.