Good Chinese Wife, a memoir

by | Jul 22, 2014 | book reviews, China, Culture, family | 27 comments

 Good Chinese Wife, Cover

When you join the army or sign up for an iron man race or commit to climbing a mountain, if the going gets tough, you put on your macho face and suck it up. You may be scared or tired or cold. You’re certainly not comfortable. But flush toilets and comfy beds are not what you signed up for.

Moving abroad can be something like that. The toilets, beds, traffic, weather, language … Nothing’s the same as back home. But you chose to move there, so you put on your macho face and suck it up. You even feel proud that you can handle it. You’re tougher than you thought.

photo courtesy of Susan Blumberg-Kason

photo courtesy of Susan Blumberg-Kason

In her memoir, Good Chinese Wife, Susan Blumberg-Kason recounts her life as a shy but brave young woman who leaves her home in Chicago and moves to Hong Kong in the early 1990s to earn a graduate degree. She has lived in Hong Kong before as part of a college exchange program, and she loves it. When circumstances are less than ideal, she’s prepared to suck it up.

Upon arrival in Hong Kong, she’s twenty-four years old. She has never had a long-term relationship, and she’s worried that she never will. Then she meets Cai, and she’s immediately attracted to him. He’s Chinese from the Mainland. Six feet tall and handsome, a self-assured, stylish PhD candidate with an infectious smile. She tutors him in English in her dorm room, meets him at a dance.

When he behaves strangely, she wonders about it, and then almost immediately she chalks it up to cultural differences. As a reader, I joined the author in wondering how much of Cai’s behavior could be explained by his background.

Was it his upbringing in a small town in central China? Was it the trauma of the Cultural Revolution, a national movement that resulted in the closure of schools all over the country and sent him away from home to travel around Hubei Province playing the cello with an opera group?

I think for a while that, considering his background, maybe Susan should give him the benefit of the doubt. And she does.

When Cai invites her to meet him at a dance and then leaves her standing alone the whole evening because people were talking about them and he’s embarrassed, she lets it go. When he asks her to start dating and to marry him all in the same breath and then asks if he can kiss her for the first time, she says yes without hesitation. He kisses her, and as he gazes into her eyes, he asks, “Do you have any bad habits?”

Oh, dear!

photo courtesy of Susan Blumberg-Kason

photo courtesy of Susan Blumberg-Kason

Good Chinese Wife is not an adventure story, it’s a memoir. The subtitle is: A Love Affair with China Gone Wrong, so we know what’s going to happen. And yet, for me, it was a page turner. All the way through I found myself wondering what Cai would do next and how Susan would handle it.

After they marry in a tiny, disappointing ceremony, Susan tries her best to be a good Chinese wife. Even when Cai’s behavior goes from merely unusual and culturally different to increasingly abusive, she doesn’t want to give up…. Not until the day years later when she fears she is going to lose her son.

This well written book brings the reader deep into two cultures and the troubles of one marriage. I highly recommend it.

Good Chinese Wife will be available on July 29 at Barnes and Noble, Amazon.com and independent bookstores around the country. You can pre-order it on Amazon at a discounted price.

For a revealing interview of the author, check out Janet Brown’s blog, Tone Deaf in Thailand.

And if you live in the United States and would like to win a personalized signed copy of Susan’s memoir, all you have to do is leave your name in the comment section below. I guarantee that one of you will win the free book and it will be sent to you, all postage paid.

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27 Comments

  1. nrhatch

    I can’t imagine agreeing to marry someone before we’d kissed, dated, or . . . I’d figured out his bad habits. 😀

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I can’t either. A risky move.

      Reply
  2. Nicole

    Another great review of this book – I hope I get the chance to read it!

    Reply
  3. michelle

    I would love to read this book! It definitely touches on some great points, such as the tendency to blame personal problems on cross-cultural differences. I myself struggle with differentiating between the two sometimes. I’m in California and eagerly await your announcement of the free book!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Hi Michelle. I’ll be making the announcement tomorrow. Good luck.

      Reply
  4. katecrimmins

    Sounds like an interesting book. I always find cultural clashes interesting but it may be more than that here.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      The book has cultural clashes galore, but you’re right, Kate. It’s also full of good old-fashioned marital discord.

      Reply
  5. chinaelevatorstories

    I agree with the other commenters about the beginning of your post – so true and well written! Living abroad makes us feel strong and independent, and sometimes forget that we still need other people to confide in or help us out from time to time.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      So true. While we need to be brave in new and challenging situations, other people, especially spouses, need to meet us halfway.

      Reply
  6. Jocelyn Eikenburg

    Fantastic review! I love how you started it off — it’s so true that when we live abroad, it does give you this sense of feeling strong (and then thinking that you can handle more than you should). Glad you enjoyed the book!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I did enjoy the book, Jocelyn. I was glad to be part of Susan’s blog tour.

      Reply
  7. Mary Huskey

    I loved your book and the new insights it gave me to a segment of history not often explored in the U.S. I am eager to read Susan’s book, esp since you recommend it so highly.

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I’m so glad you liked Tiger Tail Soup, Mary. I wonder if students today learn more about Asian history than we did.

      Maybe you’ll win a copy of Good Chinese Wife. Stay tuned.

      Reply
  8. Sunny Strong

    Having spent a year abroad, I relate to the confusion, allure, and adjustments!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      I felt the same, Sunny. I could relate to many of the mistakes Susan made.

      Reply
  9. Sheila Valentine

    Your review motivates me to go down to our local Edmonds Book Store and get this book! It sounds intriguing; reading Blumberg-Kason’s book will help me get through the my sadness in coming to the end of your wonderful, book, Nicki, “Tiger Tail Soup.” (Not because the book is sad – I just don’t want it to end.)

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Thank you for the kind words, Sheila. Good Chinese Wife won’t be available for another week, but if you do buy (or win) it, I think you will find it very interesting.

      Reply
  10. Laura

    Nicki you can’t imagine how much I have enjoyed your review.
    The way you start it, that comparision you do is so real. Sometimes we just don’t realize about how much we are doing, we just suck it up.
    In this review you don’t give away too many details It just makes me wonder more and more.
    And like always, Susan’s pictures…I wanna hug her.
    Thanks for the giveaway.
    My full name is: Laura Alvarez Mendivil

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Laura, I’m so sorry. I forgot to say that the contest is only for people living in the United States (a requirement from Susan’s publisher). It looks like you’re living in Shanghai, so I won’t be able to include you in the contest. If I’m wrong, please let me know. I hope you’ll have a chance to read Good Chinese Wife. I think you’ll enjoy it.

      Reply
      • Laura

        Yes Nicki I am in Shanghai, such a pity. Thanks for your comment, I did enjoy your review, you focused in Susan and all those pictures made it even more real.
        Wish you all luck! 🙂

        Reply
  11. Risa Gorelick

    Can’t wait to read Susan’s book, _Good Chinese Wife_!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      It’s a fascinating book, Risa. I’ll announce the winner of the free book in a few days.

      Reply
  12. mariadeng

    Hello There: My name is Maria Deng and I would love to win a copy of this book, it looks amazing!

    Reply
    • Nicki Chen

      Hi Maria. I neglected to mention that the winner of the free book should live in the United States (a requirement from the publisher). I’m sorry I didn’t include that information. Do you live in the US so I can include in the contest? By the way, I love your wedding photo.

      Reply
      • mariadeng

        Hi Nicki! Unfortunately, I don’t live in the US but I do live in Canada which is very close to the US. No problem, I completely understand! Thank you for your kind wishes about my wedding photo! 🙂

        Reply
      • Janet Williams

        Nicki,

        Please tell the publisher the UK is not too far away either! (Don’t they want to expand their book market?) I’ve just finished reading your Tiger Tail Soup, and I’m ready to dive into Susan’s book.

        Reply
        • Nicki Chen

          Susan has a good publisher. If they’re not selling in the UK yet, maybe they will be soon. I think you’ll find her story interesting.

          Reply

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  1. Expatriates. Why Do They Do It? | Behind the Story - […] In her memoir, Good Chinese Wife, Susan describes the five years she spent trying to adjust to Chinese family…

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